you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
