I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
