do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
