drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
And then he peed in my hair
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