I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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