I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
