we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
