Reggie can tackle my bush.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
