NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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