hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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