im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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