I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
