You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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