It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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