Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
