i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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