forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
