i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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