I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
