she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
