Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
