I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
