That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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