we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
