I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
