apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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