did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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