i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
