I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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