The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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