Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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