so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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