Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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