My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
