Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
