dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
