Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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