I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
