Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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