Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
