The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he fucked my hip out of place.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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