Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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