I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
