We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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