You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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