In the future we'll all be gay
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just want nice things and good sex
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
