I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
