I have demons in me.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
