If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
