I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
