Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
