I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
