Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
