why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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