she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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