It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
