I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
