Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
