a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
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