He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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