dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
