i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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