Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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