He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
