Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
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I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
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We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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