the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Congratulations! We have a period
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
