She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
