First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
