So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Too much gin, very little bucket
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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