I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
