No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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