Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
