I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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