You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
