theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
