So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
